“O you who believe, it is not legal for you to inherit women against their will…” Quran 4:19
I was talking to a friend the other day. During our conversation, she disclosed that a friend of hers was basically being forced into marriage. Her friend is being forced even though she has made it very clear that she has no interest in the guy or the marriage. Her friend won’t report it to the authorities because she doesn’t want her parents to get in trouble. My friend is terrified that her friend is going to go through with it due to the pressure being put on her by her parents.
In trying to find a solution, the two girls sort help from a sheikh. When I was told this, my spirit lifted. I had hoped that the sheikh would be able to give her reasonable and knowledgeable advice and maybe even talk to her parents on her behalf. Instead, the Sheikh told her that she needed to do what her parents were asking of her. He pointed out that Allah has commanded us to please our parents and to always listen to them. So, for that reason, she should go through with the marriage.
Now, this angered me (I seem to be getting angry a lot lately LOL). Yes, Allah asks us to treat our parents with utmost respect and to listen to them. This is completely understandable when you think of the role our parents play in our lives. I mean, parents go through a lot for their children. BUT Allah also gives us the RIGHT to say no when we are offered marriage. It is a RIGHT that we are given and nobody should take that away from us. When He who we worship gives us that right, nobody should be allowed to take it from us. Not even our parents. He tells us to respect and listen to our parents EXCEPT when they push us towards that which is Haram.
For a marriage to be successful in the eyes of Allah, the requirement of offer and acceptance has to be fulfilled. The man asks and the woman can either say yes OR no. She has to be willing to go into that marriage, not forced, not coerced. It is one of the obligatory conditions that have to be met for a Nikkah to be valid and Halal. If it is not valid, it is obviously not halal.
SO, what’s the point?
I feel like religion is being used to manipulate people into situations that they do not want to be in. We are told that we are expected to listen and respect our parents, which is true. BUT they conveniently leave out the fact that there are times when we have the right to do otherwise.
I guess the point of this post is for young girls/women to come to the realisation that they do have a right to say NO. GOD gave you that right for a reason. Because He knows YOU are going to be in the marriage, not your parents. And saying that you want to go into a marriage just because you’re told that the Qur’an says you have to please your parents is not a valid reason. I know it’s hard but it’s really up to YOU. I just want you to know that you can say no. It’s your God-given right. YOU need to decided whether you want to exercise the right that Allah has bestowed upon us.
I pray that Allah strengthens anyone in this situation to do whatever is best for them.
Till next time